Went to the Travel Agent...

"I went to the Travel Agent to look into going on one of these activity holidays. It was no good. Apparently they don't class drinking all day as an activity..."

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Inflatable Barmaid

"I've just been down to the local home brew store. I said I'm looking for something hoppy with a nice body, so they gave me a one-legged blow-up barmaid doll."